The Broken Coffee Table

Characters:

ALAN – Office technician living in Ireland. 35. Childhood friend of Mohammad.

MOHAMMAD – Company accountant from the states, handles offshore capitol. 36.

Scene 1

2017, in an apartment living room. A large sofa and chairs surround the broken coffee table downstage. The front door can be seen upstage right, with a large kitchenette upstage left. The kitchenette has a sink, fridge, cooker, and a counter with an electric kettle and two mugs that have been left out. One mug is large and navy blue, the other small and white with red polka dots. The counter also has a digital clock on it, showing the time as about 1pm, and a newspaper. A coat rack by the door has two coats; one navy blue and one white with red polka dots, and many empty hooks. A second door leads off stage left. The curtains are drawn.

The only light in the room is a spotlight pointing directly down on a coffee table downstage. It was once glass topped, but the glass has been smashed in. A small amount of blood is on some of the shards.

The spotlight is turned off, and at the same time the stage is illuminated with a dim blue light.

ALAN enters through door L, wiping his face with a towel. He is wearing a shirt and boxers, with heavy, itchy stubble and unkempt hair. He puts tea bags, sugar in both of the left-out mugs. Then he reads the newspaper idly,

turning the pages every so often.

(Long pause)

The Kettle boils, he makes tea. He picks up the navy mug and takes a sip, idly reading the newspaper again.

(Pause)

He puts the navy mug down and it clinks against the other mug. For the first time, ALAN seems to notice it. He sighs, picks it up and moves to the sink.

(Pause)

He sighs again and puts the other mug back next to the navy mug. He looks like he could start crying at any moment. He walks towards one of the chairs, pulls it away and is about to sit down when there’s a knock at the door. Alan moves to the door, hesitates, calms himself down, then opens it. The hallway outside is brightly lit, and MOHAMMAD is standing there, wearing a formal suit, carrying a briefcase.

MOHAMMAD: Alan!

ALAN: Mohammad?

The two perform an intricate, goofy handshake, ending in a bearhug.

ALAN: Ever consider calling ahead?

MOHAMMAD: I did, when I knew I was coming, if only you’d pick up. Short notice, few new laws pushing through, and if the worse happens we might need to relocate again.

ALAN: What, like Luxembourg?

MOHAMMAD: Yea… Much as I’d enjoy the Caymans, Ireland’s better business.

ALAN: well, the Caymans would prob-

MOHAMMAD: -sorry, but do you often keep guests standing at the doorstep? Bit tight for time.

ALAN: What? Oh, right, no, come in. Sorry.

ALAN goes to make a cup of tea. He uses a new mug. MOHAMMAD flicks the light switch, filling the set with a yellow light.

You still take milk and sugar?

MOHAMMAD: Yes. I’ll tell you what, my office is full of madmen. All drink it black, have to bring my own m-

MOHAMMAD notices the shattered coffee table.

Hmm.

ALAN brings over the tea, sits down

(Pause)

MOHAMMAD slowly pulls the sofa away from the coffee table, a bit more than would be necessary. It makes an awkwardly loud sound when dragged against the wooden floor. Then he sits down near ALAN.

MOHAMMAD: (distractedly) What was this about the Cayman Islands?

ALAN: Oh, well, I figured, that they’d probably, yaknow, be more interesting than Ireland, what with the weather and food and all.

MOHAMMAD: The food isn’t nearly as bad as you led me to believe. Except the chips I got this morning – I imagine that would be the fault of the British.

ALAN: Well, you can’t choose your neighbours, can you?

MOHAMMAD: Says the man that literally moved in and married their neighbour.

ALAN glares.

MOHAMMAD: (confused, apologising) Sorry?

(Pause. Make it as awkward as possible.)

MOHAMMAD: Ok… Why is the coffee table broken?

ALAN looks at it like he’s only just noticed it.

ALAN: Oh, of course, shame on me, you haven’t a place to put your tea!

ALAN jumps up and exits through door L. He leaves it open wide.

MOHAMMAD: (shouting) I was meaning more that it was broken.

(Beat)

ALAN: (shouting from off stage) Well, you know, these things happen, one second you’re watching Strictly, next thing you know you’ve put your mug down too hard and broken the table.

MOHAMMAD: Is that blood?

(Pause)

ALAN: y-yeah… I just cut my hand is all, on the glass. When it broke.

ALAN comes back in, carrying a pouffe. He puts it next to MOHAMMAD and sits back down.

MOHAMMAD: And when did that happen?

ALAN: Just yesterday.

MOHAMMAD: Strictly airs on Saturdays.

ALAN: Yea, yesterday.

MOHAMMAD: …It’s Tuesday.

ALAN: (startled) It is!?

ALAN runs to the window and opens the curtains. It’s a bright day outside. He grabs his phone from the windowsill and checks the date.

Bloody hell.

MOHAMMAD: Not taking very good care of yourself, are you? Between jobs?

ALAN: I mean, technically no.

(Beat)

MOHAMMAD: And what does that mean?

ALAN: I’m sure they’ll fire me once they realise I’m not showing up.

MOHAMMAD: And how long haven’t they noticed?

ALAN: ‘bout two weeks now.

MOHAMMAD: Seriously!

ALAN: (with pride) Yep. Set up the email to send remote responses, I’ll get on it, yada yada, stuff like that, and they haven’t noticed.

MOHAMMAD: (frustrated) Seriously.

ALAN: What?

MOHAMMAD sighs.

MOHAMMAD: I bet you must’ve driven your boss crazy, even before this.

(Beat)

Does Amy know?

ALAN practically leaps out his skin.

ALAN: Um, y, yea. Of course.

MOHAMMAD: I see you made her a cup of tea.

MOHAMMAD gestures towards the kitchenette, to the white and red polka-dot mug.

Did I just miss her or…?

ALAN: She, uh, she works down at Aldi, had to rush off to work.

MOHAMMAD: Ah, and if you’re still in your boxers, I assume neither of you knew the time.

ALAN: No, we, uh, we really slept in today, huh.

MOHAMMAD: Well, I need to get some coffee anyway, the hotel I’m in apparently only has tea bags, so maybe I’ll drop by, say hello.

ALAN takes out a handkerchief, holds it in front of his face as he faces away from MOHAMMAD and takes a deep, quiet breath.

ALAN: I’m sure she’d hate that.

MOHAMMAD: Erm, ok.

(Pause)

Are you going to stand up all day or?

ALAN: It’s probably healthier than sitting down or sleeping all day.

Alan moves back to his seat and sits down

Probably.

The two sit in silence for an awkward amount of time. MOHAMMAD seems to notice something about the coffee table.

The following two dialogue lines are said simultaneously.

ALAN: Look-

MOHAMMAD: Is tha-

(Beat)

MOHAMMAD: You first.

ALAN: no, please.

MOHAMMAD: I said you first, first, so say it.

ALAN: Damn, ok.

ALAN clears his throat.

Look, the thing is, me and Amy are having some… issues currently.

MOHAMMAD: Oh?

(Beat)

I think I understand.

ALAN: You do?

MOHAMMAD: Yes. You see, I’ve noticed that, with the… glass shards, erm, how do I word this? Err, with the dust… glass shards, dust, glass shards dust. There is dust on the glass shards, the ones from the coffee table. Got there in the end.

(Pause)

ALAN: What the hell was that?

MOHAMMAD: I’ve been speaking French all day, lay off me. Anyway, you didn’t just break it last Saturday, did you?

ALAN: What, you think I’m lying about my passion for Strictly?

MOHAMMAD: I mean - what? No, - you’re an office tech and a supermarket labourer living in a city apartment. I would understand if you didn’t have the capitol running.

ALAN: You think I’m broke now?

MOHAMMAD: If you can’t replace a coffee table.

ALAN: That’s not-

MOHAMMAD’s phone makes alarm sounds.

MOHAMMAD: Oh, I really need to get out of here.

MOHAMMAD quickly rises and walks over to the door. ALAN follows him.

ALAN: No, look, Mohammad.

MOHAMMAD: We can talk about your finances later,

The following two dialogue lines are said simultaneously.

I just need to put a pin in this.

ALAN: Just give me a second to explain.

MOHAMMAD rushes out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

MOHAMMAD: (shouting through the door) I’ll call you, promise!

ALAN: (shouting) Amy and I aren’t…

(Long pause)

ALAN slowly moves to turn off the light switch. He closes the curtains, leaving the set back in the dim blues it started in. He suddenly kicks the back of the sofa as he walks past to the kitchenette.

He picks up the white and red polka dot mug to look at it, not noticing the liquid falling out. Crying, he smashes it against the counter.

LIGHTS DOWN.

There are a LOT of notes for this one, since it was a class project and had several drafts.

Anyway, Here's my notes and drafts:

1^st draft

Waking up at 1pm

ALAN

MOHAMMAD

Scene 1

2009. A living room makes up the stage, with dim blue lighting. A large sofa, with chairs on either side crowd a coffee table downstage. The coffee table is glass topped, but the glass is smashed with shards all over the carpet below it. A door can be seen on the back wall, up stage right, with a kitchenette up stage left, with a sink, fridge, and cooker. A counter near the kitchenette shows an electric kettle near two mugs that have been left out. The kettle is on, but not boiled yet. One mug is large and navy blue, the other small and white with red polka dots. A coat rack by the door shows two coats clearly different sizes, the larger navy blue and the other small but still adult size, and white with red polka dots, and many empty hooks. A second door leads off stage left. The curtains are drawn across. A digital clock on the kitchen counter reads its around 1 in the afternoon, next to a newspaper.

ALAN enters stage left through the second door, wiping his face with a towel. He is wearing a shirt and boxers, with heavy, itchy stubble and unkempt hair. He wipes his eyes, puts tea bags, sugar in both of the left-out mugs. Then he reads the newspaper idly,

turning the pages ever so often.

(pause)

The Kettle boils. He nearly fills both cups with water, puts the kettle down and goes and gets milk. He pours milk in both mugs, puts the milk away. He picks up the navy mug and takes a sip, idly reading the newspaper again.

(beat)

He puts the navy mug down and it clinks against the other mug. For the first time, Alan seems to notice it. He sighs, picks it up and moves to the sink.

(beat)

He sighs again and puts it back next to the navy mug. He walks towards one of the chairs, pulls it away from the glass shards, brushes it off and tries to sit down. He’s half-way sitting down when there’s a knock at the door. Alan moves to the door, hesitates, then opens it. The hallway outside is brightly lit, and MOHAMMAD is standing there, wearing a formal suit, carrying a briefcase.

MOHAMMAD: Alan!

ALAN: Mohammad?

The two perform an intricate, goofy handshake, ending in a bearhug.

ALAN: what are you doing here? I thought you were still stateside!

MOHAMMAD: I am here to visit some of my financial friends.

ALAN: What, Luxembourg not like it used to be?

MOHAMMAD: you find more luck in Ireland today yes. Or maybe the Caymans, but then I’d miss out on you!

ALAN: well the Caymans would prob-

MOHAMMAD: Sorry, but do you often keep friends standing at the doorstep?

ALAN: What? Oh, right, no, come in. Sorry.

Alan waves Mohammad in, and goes to make a cup of tea. He uses a new mug. Mohammad flicks the light switch, filling the set with a yellow light.

You still take milk and sugar?

MOHAMMAD: Yes, only one in my office. I always have to bring my own m-

Mohammad notices the shattered coffee table.

Hmm.

Alan brings over the tea, hands it to Mohammad, and sits in the chair he pulled out earlier.

(beat)

Mohammad slowly pulls the sofa away from the coffee table, a bit more than would be necessary, then sits down near Alan.

Mohammad: (distractedly) What was this about the Cayman Islands?

Alan: Oh, well, I figured, that they’d probably be a better stay than Ireland, what with the weather and food.

Mohammad: The food isn’t nearly as bad as I was led to believe. Except the greasy chips I got this morning – I imaging that would be the fault of the British.

Alan: Well, you can’t choose your neighbours when you’re an island, can you?

Mohammad: That doesn’t mean you have to stay on the island, does it?

Alan: (Mimicking Mohammad’s voice) But then I’d miss out on you!

Both laugh. Mohammad suddenly stops laughing, while Alan continues, until he slowly calms down.

(Pause)

Mohammad: Ok, I have to ask, why is the coffee table broken?

Alan looks at it like he’s only just noticed it.

Alan: Oh, of course, shame on me, you haven’t a place to put your tea!

Alan jumps up and exits stage left. He leaves the door open wide.

Mohammad: (shouting) I was meaning more that it was broken.

(Beat)

Alan: (shouting from off stage) Well, you know, these things happen, one second you’re watching Strictly, next thing you know you’ve put your mug down too hard and broken the table. Last time I go for a glass top, I can tell you.

Alan comes back in, carrying a pouffe, with a white top and red polka dots. He puts it next to Mohammad and sits back down.

Mohammad: And when did that happen?

Alan: Just yesterday.

Mohammad: Strictly airs on Saturdays.

Alan: Yea, yesterday.

Mohammad: Its Tuesday.

Alan: (startled) It is!?

Alan runs to the window and opens the curtains, bathing the set in a dreary light of a cloudy day. He grabs his phone from the windowsill and checks the date.

Bloody hell.

Mohammad: Not taking very good care of yourself, are you? Between jobs?

Alan: I mean, technically no.

(Beat)

Mohammad: And what does that mean?

Alan: I’m sure they’ll fire me once they realise, I’m not showing up.

Mohammad: And how long haven’t they noticed?

Alan: ‘bout two weeks now

Mohammad: Seriously!

Alan: Yep. Set up the email to send remote responses, yada yada I’ll get on it, stuff like that, and they haven’t noticed.

Mohammad: (frustrated) Seriously.

Alan: What?

Mohammad sighs.

Mohammad: I bet you must’ve driven your boss crazy, even before this.

Alan: Nah, his computer did more to him than I did, and I would always be the one to fix it, like the god blessed techno wizard he thinks I am.

Mohammad: Does your boss’s computer often have faults?

Alan: Ancient piece of scrap it is, yes

Mohammad: Well there you go; he can’t tell you he’s fired you if he can’t send an e-mail. But I wouldn’t expect a pay check next month.

(Beat)

Does Amy know?

Alan practically leaps out his skin.

Alan: Um, y, yea. Of course.

Mohammad: I see you made her a cup of tea

Mohammad gestures to the mug on the kitchenette, the one that’s white with red polka dots.

Did I just miss her or…?

Alan: She, uh, she works down at the Audi, had to rush off to work.

Mohammad: Ah, and if you’re still in your boxers at half 1, I assume neither of you knew the time.

Alan: No, we, uh, we really slept in today, huh.

Mohammad: Well, I need to get some coffee anyway, the hotel I’m in apparently only has tea bags, so maybe I’ll drop by, say hello

Alan takes out a handkerchief, holds it in front of his face as he faces away from Mohammad and takes a deep, quiet breath.

Alan: I’m sure she’d hate that.

Mohammad: Erm, ok.

(Pause)

Are you going to stand up all day or?

Alan: Its probably healthier than sitting down or sleeping all day

Alan moves back to his seat and sits down

Probably.

The two sit in silence for an awkward amount of time. Mohammad seems to notice something about the coffee table.

Alan and Mohammad both try to talk at the same time.

Alan: Look-

Mohammad: Is tha-

(beat)

Mohammad: You first

Alan: no, please.

Mohammad: I said you first, first, so say it.

Alan: Damn, ok.

Alan clears his throat.

Look, the thing is, me and Amy are having some… issues currently

Mohammad: Oh, I think I understand.

Alan: You do?

Mohammad: Yes. You see, I’ve noticed that there is dust on the shards of the coffee table.

Alan: What?

Mohammad: You didn’t just break it last Saturday, did you?

Alan: Huh?

Mohammad: I mean, it makes sense, you’re an electrician and a supermarket labourer living in a city apartment. I understand if you don’t have the capital running.

Alan: Again, what?

Mohammad: Look, if you’re struggling financially, if you can’t even afford to replace a coffee table, then you can just ask for help.

Alan: What, no! That’s not it at all!

Mohammad: Really? Then why not replace it-

Mohammad’s phone has an alarm go off.

Oh, I really need to get out of here.

Mohammad quickly rises and walks over to the door. Alan follows him.

Alan: No, look, Mohammad.

Mohammad: I just need to put a pin in this

Alan: Just give me a sec-

Mohammad rushes out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

Mohammad: (shouting through the door) I’ll call you, promise!

Alan: (shouting) Amy and I aren’t…

(Pause)

Alan slowly moves to turn off the light switch. He walks over to the curtains and closes them, leaving the set back in the dim blues it started in. He kicks the back of the sofa as he walks past to the kitchenette, towards the white and red polka dot mug.

He picks it up to look at it, not noticing the liquid falling out. Crying, he smashes it against the counter.

SCENE END

2^st draft

Amy.

Characters:

ALAN

MOHAMMAD

Scene 1

2017, in a living room with dim blue lighting. A large sofa, with chairs on either side crowd a coffee table downstage. The coffee table is glass topped, but the glass is smashed with shards all over the carpet below it. A door can be seen on the back wall, up stage right, with a kitchenette up stage left, with a sink, fridge, and cooker. A counter near the kitchenette shows an electric kettle near two mugs that have been left out. The kettle is on, but not boiled yet. One mug is large and navy blue, the other small and white with red polka dots. A coat rack by the door shows two coats clearly different sizes, the larger navy blue and the other small but still adult size, and white with red polka dots, and many empty hooks. A second door leads off stage left. The curtains are drawn across. A digital clock on the kitchen counter reads its around 1 in the afternoon, next to a newspaper.

turning the pages ever so often.

(pause)

(beat)

He puts the navy mug down and it clinks against the other mug. For the first time, Alan seems to notice it. He sighs, picks it up and moves to the sink.

(beat)

MOHAMMAD: Alan!

ALAN: Mohammad?

The two perform an intricate, goofy handshake, ending in a bearhug.

ALAN: Ever consider calling ahead? I thought you were still stateside!

MOHAMMAD: I did, when I knew where I was going. Short notice, here to visit some of my financial friends, had a few minutes.

ALAN: What, Luxembourg not like it used to be?

MOHAMMAD: you find more luck in Ireland today yes. Or maybe the Caymans, but then I’d miss out on you!

ALAN: well the Caymans would prob-

MOHAMMAD: Sorry, but do you often keep friends standing at the doorstep? Bit tight for time.

ALAN: What? Oh, right, no, come in. Sorry.

Alan waves Mohammad in, and goes to make a cup of tea. He uses a new mug. Mohammad flicks the light switch, filling the set with a yellow light.

You still take milk and sugar?

MOHAMMAD: Yes, only one in my office. I always have to bring my own mil-

Mohammad notices the shattered coffee table.

Hmm.

Alan brings over the tea, hands it to Mohammad, and sits in the chair he pulled out earlier.

(beat)

Mohammad slowly pulls the sofa away from the coffee table, a bit more than would be necessary, then sits down near Alan.

Mohammad: (distractedly) What was this about the Cayman Islands?

Alan: Oh, well, I figured, that they’d probably be a better stay than Ireland, what with the weather and food.

Mohammad: The food isn’t nearly as bad as you led me to believe. Except the greasy chips I got this morning – I imagine that would be the fault of the British.

Alan: Well, you can’t choose your neighbours when you’re an island, can you?

Mohammad: That doesn’t mean you have to stay on the island, does it?

Alan: (Mimicking Mohammad’s voice) But then I’d miss out on you!

Both laugh. Mohammad suddenly stops laughing, while Alan continues, until he slowly calms down.

(Pause)

Mohammad: Ok, I have to ask, why is the coffee table broken?

Alan looks at it like he’s only just noticed it.

Alan: Oh, of course, shame on me, you haven’t a place to put your tea!

Alan jumps up and exits stage left. He leaves the door open wide.

Mohammad: (shouting) I was meaning more that it was broken.

(Beat)

Alan comes back in, carrying a pouffe, with a white top and red polka dots. He puts it next to Mohammad and sits back down.

Mohammad: And when did that happen?

Alan: Just yesterday.

Mohammad: Strictly airs on Saturdays.

Alan: Yea, yesterday.

Mohammad: Its Tuesday.

Alan: (startled) It is!?

Alan runs to the window and opens the curtains, bathing the set in a dreary light of a cloudy day. He grabs his phone from the windowsill and checks the date.

Bloody hell.

Mohammad: Not taking very good care of yourself, are you? Between jobs?

Alan: I mean, technically no.

(Beat)

Mohammad: And what does that mean?

Alan: I’m sure they’ll fire me once they realise, I’m not showing up.

Mohammad: And how long haven’t they noticed?

Alan: ‘bout two weeks now

Mohammad: Seriously!

Alan: (with pride) Yep. Set up the email to send remote responses, yada yada I’ll get on it, stuff like that, and they haven’t noticed.

Mohammad: (frustrated) Seriously.

Alan: What?

Mohammad sighs.

Mohammad: I bet you must’ve driven your boss crazy, even before this.

Alan: Nah, his computer did more to him than I did, and I would always be the one to fix it, like the god blessed techno wizard he thinks I am.

Mohammad: Does your boss’s computer often have faults?

Alan: Ancient piece of scrap it is, yes

Mohammad: Well there you go; he can’t tell you he’s fired you if he can’t send an e-mail. But I wouldn’t expect a pay check next month.

(Beat)

Does Amy know?

Alan practically leaps out his skin.

Alan: Um, y, yea. Of course.

Mohammad: I see you made her a cup of tea

Mohammad gestures to the mug on the kitchenette, the one that’s white with red polka dots.

Did I just miss her or…?

Alan: She, uh, she works down at the Audi, had to rush off to work.

Mohammad: Ah, and if you’re still in your boxers at half 1, I assume neither of you knew the time.

Alan: No, we, uh, we really slept in today, huh.

Mohammad: Well, I need to get some coffee anyway, the hotel I’m in apparently only has tea bags, so maybe I’ll drop by, say hello

Alan takes out a handkerchief, holds it in front of his face as he faces away from Mohammad and takes a deep, quiet breath.

Alan: I’m sure she’d hate that.

Mohammad: Erm, ok.

(Pause)

Are you going to stand up all day or?

Alan: It’s probably healthier than sitting down or sleeping all day

Alan moves back to his seat and sits down

Probably.

The two sit in silence for an awkward amount of time. Mohammad seems to notice something about the coffee table.

Alan and Mohammad both try to talk at the same time.

Alan: Look-

Mohammad: Is tha-

(beat)

Mohammad: You first

Alan: no, please.

Mohammad: I said you first, first, so say it.

Alan: Damn, ok.

Alan clears his throat.

Look, the thing is, me and Amy are having some… issues currently

Mohammad: Oh?

(Beat)

I think I understand.

Alan: You do?

Mohammad: Yes. You see, I’ve noticed that there is dust on these here glass shards.

(beat)

Alan: What?

Mohammad: You didn’t just break it last Saturday, did you?

Alan: Huh?

Mohammad: I mean, it makes sense, you’re an electrician and a supermarket labourer living in a city apartment. I understand if you don’t have the capital running.

Alan: Again, what?

Mohammad: Look, if you’re struggling financially, if you can’t even afford to replace a coffee table, then you can just ask for help.

Alan: What, no! That’s not-

Mohammad’s phone has an alarm go off.

Mohammad: Oh, I really need to get out of here.

Mohammad quickly rises and walks over to the door. Alan follows him.

Alan: No, look, Mohammad.

Mohammad: I just need to put a pin in this

Alan: Just give me a sec-

Mohammad rushes out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

Mohammad: (shouting through the door) I’ll call you, promise!

Alan: (shouting) Amy and I aren’t…

(Pause)

Alan slowly moves to turn off the light switch. He walks over to the curtains and closes them, leaving the set back in the dim blues it started in. He suddenly kicks the back of the sofa as he walks past to the kitchenette, towards the white and red polka dot mug.

He picks it up to look at it, not noticing the liquid falling out. Crying, he smashes it against the counter.

SCENE END

Feedback on draft 2

The description is good, but needs a bit of tidying up. Is there a cleaner way of describing it? But the detail isn’t too much.

The ‘Alan and Mohammad both try to talk at the same time’ needs to be in italics. The ending needs to be in italics.

Someone said ‘I’d like to know where Amy is’

Someone comments on the significance on the polka dots.

Someone comments that the stage directions are a bit too laying it on. Try and tone it down a bit without losing anything. I can probably do that. Also, does the pouffe need to be polka dot? Hmm.

I need to include a synopsis of the rest of the play. This would include other characters that are in the play.

Yaknow, red polka dots on white are like blood splotches.

Someone said Amy was probably put through the table. The opening is good, how he makes 2 cups of tea.

Are my names full capital or not? With the dialogue indicators.

Pause and beat need to be in italics.

Beats are actually too short for what I’m doing – at the start. Consider modifying.

He brushes dust off the chair – how long has he not sat down?

Mohammad and Alan might very well be saying things that they both understand in a bit of a explanatory to audience way.

Stage direction names need to be in caps.

Starts of speech need to be in caps – after the names.

When cutting someone off, instead of say, doing this –

Right so-

It should be

Right so-

-hi

Stage directions are strictly factual. Don’t make them that prose-y

It shouldn’t be dim blue light, it should be navy blue light. COLOURS MATTER.

The script is a bit info dump-y. its like ‘hey audience, we’re both talking about this thing we both understand so you know too’.

It generally takes a while for the conflict to happen. Maybe try and get to that conflict quicker.

Lacks subtlety, I should consider experimenting with more subtext. Perhaps the second part should be less about Amy? Or something I can let the audience figure out for themselves.

Should I make Alan more emotionally unstable?

There’s a point in the first episode of Sherlock – the Benedict Cumberbatch one, where someone mentions Watson’s bad leg and he goes ‘DAMN MY LEG sorry, im so sorry its just this poxy thing’ – that might be a good way to show emotional instability to his friend.

3^rd Draft

A Broken Coffee Table.

Characters:

ALAN – Office technician living in Ireland. Childhood friend of Mohammad.

MOHAMMAD – Company accountant from the states, handles offshore capitol.

Scene 1

The spotlight is turned off, and at the same time the stage is illuminated with a dim blue light.

turning the pages ever so often.

(long pause)

The Kettle boils, He makes tea. He picks up the navy mug and takes a sip, idly reading the newspaper again.

(pause)

He puts the navy mug down and it clinks against the other mug. For the first time, ALAN seems to notice it. He sighs, picks it up and moves to the sink.

(pause)

He sighs again and puts it back next to the navy mug. He walks towards one of the chairs, pulls it away and is about to sit down when there’s a knock at the door. Alan moves to the door, hesitates, then opens it. The hallway outside is brightly lit, and MOHAMMAD is standing there, wearing a formal suit, carrying a briefcase.

MOHAMMAD: Alan!

ALAN: Mohammad?

The two perform an intricate, goofy handshake, ending in a bearhug.

ALAN: Ever consider calling ahead?

MOHAMMAD: I did, when I knew I was coming, if only you’d pick up. Short notice, few new laws pushing through, and if the worse happens we might need to relocate again.

ALAN: What, like Luxembourg?

MOHAMMAD: Yea… Much as I’d enjoy the Caymans, I’d miss out on you!

ALAN: well, the Caymans would prob-

MOHAMMAD: -sorry, but do you often keep guests standing at the doorstep? Bit tight for time.

ALAN: What? Oh, right, no, come in. Sorry.

ALAN goes to make a cup of tea. He uses a new mug. MOHAMMAD flicks the light switch, filling the set with a yellow light.

You still take milk and sugar?

MOHAMMAD: Yes. I’ll tell you what, my office is full of madmen. All drink it black, have to bring my own m-

MOHAMMAD notices the shattered coffee table.

Hmm.

ALAN brings over the tea, sits down

(pause)

MOHAMMAD slowly pulls the sofa away from the coffee table, a bit more than would be necessary, then sits down near ALAN.

MOHAMMAD: (distractedly) What was this about the Cayman Islands?

ALAN: Oh, well, I figured, that they’d probably, yaknow, be more interesting than Ireland, what with the weather and food and all.

MOHAMMAD: The food isn’t nearly as bad as you led me to believe. Except the chips I got this morning – I imagine that would be the fault of the British.

ALAN: Well, you can’t choose your neighbours when you’re an island, can you?

MOHAMMAD: Says the man that moved in with her.

ALAN glares.

MOHAMMAD: (confused, apologising) Sorry?

(Pause. Make it as awkward as possible.)

MOHAMMAD: Ok… Why is the coffee table broken?

ALAN looks at it like he’s only just noticed it.

ALAN: Oh, of course, shame on me, you haven’t a place to put your tea!

ALAN jumps up and exits through door L. He leaves it open wide.

MOHAMMAD: (shouting) I was meaning more that it was broken.

(Beat)

ALAN: (shouting from off stage) Well, you know, these things happen, one second you’re watching Strictly, next thing you know you’ve put your mug down too hard and broken the table.

MOHAMMAD: Is that blood?

(Pause)

ALAN: y-yeah… I just cut my hand is all, on the glass. When it broke.

ALAN comes back in, carrying a pouffe. He puts it next to MOHAMMAD and sits back down.

MOHAMMAD: And when did that happen?

ALAN: Just yesterday.

MOHAMMAD: Strictly airs on Saturdays.

ALAN: Yea, yesterday.

MOHAMMAD: …It’s Tuesday.

ALAN: (startled) It is!?

ALAN runs to the window and opens the curtains. It’s a bright day outside. He grabs his phone from the windowsill and checks the date.

Bloody hell.

MOHAMMAD: Not taking very good care of yourself, are you? Between jobs?

ALAN: I mean, technically no.

(Beat)

MOHAMMAD: And what does that mean?

ALAN: I’m sure they’ll fire me once they realise I’m not showing up.

MOHAMMAD: And how long haven’t they noticed?

ALAN: ‘bout two weeks now

MOHAMMAD: Seriously!

ALAN: (with pride) Yep. Set up the email to send remote responses, yada yada I’ll get on it, stuff like that, and they haven’t noticed.

MOHAMMAD: (frustrated) Seriously.

ALAN: What?

MOHAMMAD sighs.

MOHAMMAD: I bet you must’ve driven your boss crazy, even before this.

ALAN: Nah, his computer did more to him than I did, and I would always be the one to fix it, like the god blessed techno wizard he thinks I am.

MOHAMMAD: Does your boss’s computer often have faults?

ALAN: Ancient piece of scrap it is, yes

MOHAMMAD: Well there you go; he can’t tell you he’s fired you if he can’t send an e-mail. But I wouldn’t expect a pay check next month.

(Beat)

Does Amy know?

ALAN practically leaps out his skin.

ALAN: Um, y, yea. Of course.

MOHAMMAD: I see you made her a cup of tea

MOHAMMAD gestures towards the kitchenette, to the white and red polka-dot mug.

Did I just miss her or…?

ALAN: She, uh, she works down at Audi, had to rush off to work.

MOHAMMAD: Ah, and if you’re still in your boxers at half 1, I assume neither of you knew the time.

ALAN: No, we, uh, we really slept in today, huh.

MOHAMMAD: Well, I need to get some coffee anyway, the hotel I’m in apparently only has tea bags, so maybe I’ll drop by, say hello

ALAN takes out a handkerchief, holds it in front of his face as he faces away from MOHAMMAD and takes a deep, quiet breath.

ALAN: I’m sure she’d hate that.

MOHAMMAD: Erm, ok.

(Pause)

Are you going to stand up all day or?

ALAN: It’s probably healthier than sitting down or sleeping all day

Alan moves back to his seat and sits down

Probably.

The two sit in silence for an awkward amount of time. MOHAMMAD seems to notice something about the coffee table.

ALAN and MOHAMMAD both try to talk at the same time.

ALAN: Look-

MOHAMMAD: Is tha-

(beat)

MOHAMMAD: You first

ALAN: no, please.

MOHAMMAD: I said you first, first, so say it.

ALAN: Damn, ok.

ALAN clears his throat.

Look, the thing is, me and Amy are having some… issues currently

MOHAMMAD: Oh?

(Beat)

I think I understand.

ALAN: You do?

MOHAMMAD: Yes. You see, I’ve noticed that there is dust on these glass shards.

(beat)

ALAN: What?

MOHAMMAD: You didn’t just break it last Saturday, did you?

ALAN: Huh?

MOHAMMAD: I mean, it makes sense, you’re an office tech and a supermarket labourer living in a city apartment. I understand if you don’t have the capital running.

ALAN: Again, what?

MOHAMMAD: Look, if you’re struggling financially, if you can’t even afford to replace a coffee table, then you can just ask for help.

ALAN: What, no! That’s not-

MOHAMMAD’s phone makes alarm sounds.

MOHAMMAD: Oh, I really need to get out of here.

MOHAMMAD quickly rises and walks over to the door. ALAN follows him.

ALAN: No, look, Mohammad.

MOHAMMAD: I just need to put a pin in this

ALAN: Just give me a sec-

MOHAMMAD rushes out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

MOHAMMAD: (shouting through the door) I’ll call you, promise!

ALAN: (shouting) Amy and I aren’t…

(Pause)

He picks up the white and red polka dot mug to look at it, not noticing the liquid falling out. Crying, he smashes it against the counter.

SCENE END

Quick play summary –

The next scene would be Amy showing up to work the next day, talking with her Christian friend MATILDA. This is her first day back from 2 weeks’ vacation. Eventually, it comes out she was at the hospital. Mohammad shows up to buy coffee, and learns of Alan and Amy’s failing marriage. At the end of the scene, its revealed that during an argument 2 weeks ago, Alan smashed Amy through the coffee table.

The next scene had Mohammad and Matilda showing up to Alans apartment to find him incredibly drunk crying in the bathtub. Mohammad roughs him up (sobering him a bit in the process) while Matilda tries to break it up. Amy shows up and the two manage to break it up. She lectures Mohammad on escalating things, Alan asks for forgiveness and Amy reluctantly agrees to attend marriage counselling, but that things are never going to be the same between them, and that he’s going to need to put in a lot of work to make up for it.

In a final short scene set a week later at the park, Mohammad bumps into Matilda and the two debate whether or not people deserve to be given a chance to change. Neither is strictly proven wrong or right. The entire play would be approximately 40 minutes, with the first two scenes taking 10 minutes, the third taking 15 and the last being 5.

Slight note here, I know that the original script was lacking much subtlety outside of the silent first part. I wanted to add some, but didn’t want to change the way in which Amy is introduced and the ending, so I changed the focus of intrigue from Amy herself to the Coffee Table, hence why I changed the title, and gave the table more focus. It functions as a physical manifestation of their failing marriage.

Feedback on Draft 3.

‘turning the pages EVERY so often’

Look at upper or lower case letters just after that.

Alan IS NOT MOVING THE SINK though sean said he was being flippant.

The ‘what? Oh, right, no, come in. sorry.’ Sounds good when read out.

Sean doesn’t know how to say ‘pouffe’

Mohammad’s ‘glass shards’ line is still structured quite awkwardly.

That final pause needs to be a long pause.

Capital letters at the start of speech, and punctuation after speech. ALWAYS PUNCTUATION AFTER SPEECH.

Aldi not Audi – the supermarket not the car brand.

I should specify both of their ages, at least something general.

My priority right now is absolutely finding words or lines to cut for the sake of tightening it all up. The part talking about their career can be beaten down particularly.

Do I spend too much time on tax breaks and Mohammad’s business, or is that fine?

Good intrigue.

LIGHTS DOWN, not SCENE END.

Sean said this draft is LEAPS ahead of the first one, but theres still room to mess.

I subtly change the power dynamic between then. Maybe play with that a bit more.

Quick play summary –

The next scene had Mohammad and Matilda showing up to Alans apartment to find him incredibly drunk crying in the bathtub. Mohammad roughs him up (sobering him a bit in the process) while Matilda tries to break it up. Amy shows up and the two manage to break it up. She lectures Mohammad on escalating things, Alan asks for forgiveness and Amy reluctantly agrees to attend marriage counselling, but that things are never going to be the same, and that he’s going to need to put in a lot of work to make up for it.

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Scriptwriting

The Broken Coffee Table

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